Both matter.

There’s a codependent excess here — feeling as though we love each other more than we love ourselves. This isn’t possible in mature and actual love, and it’s not what we’re looking for.

What we want is someone who sees us in the same light as we see ourselves, and values us comparably as we value ourselves — not drastically different or less.

Put to the extreme: if you value “compassion, kindness, and patience” in yourself, you probably wouldn’t want to date someone who liked you primarily because you’re “fun, and just sort of nice.” What might seem like an interesting growth opportunity at first quickly becomes an expectation to “live up to” their version of you, and eventually you’ll get tired of “carrying” everything it means to be, first and foremost, “fun” in their eyes.