How To Make A Relationship Last

Kris Gage
7 min readFeb 15, 2019
Dan Gold via unsplash

If you ask people what “the key to making a relationship last” is, some of the most common answers you’ll get are:


But the thing is…

Those are not the secret

Many people struggle with emotional boundaries — what’s theirs, what’s their partner’s — and think “sharing” is the same as “solving,” as though “talking about it” means it’ll be “fixed.” They then struggle with anxiety and passive-aggressiveness — especially when, shocker, “communication” alone doesn’t work. So, I know many say that “communication” is the solution, but it’s not.

“Communication” gets you statements like:

“I loathe you sometimes”
“I sometimes regret marrying you”
“I sometimes think about cheating on you”

And while these are an exaggeration, the point is: saying something isn’t a solution to any problem. It’s just lobbing it out into the space between two people, and if you don’t follow it up with something, it does nothing.

If you struggle to communicate (or get passive aggressive), then yes, work on that — but as a “you” thing. Not as “the secret” to a relationship. Sharing is great, but relationships are much more.