How to *really* know you’re in love

Kris Gage
4 min readAug 3, 2017

Because most of “the signs” they tell you are garbage

If you try to Google “how to know you’re in love,” you’re gonna have a bad time

Because it’s mostly shit advice.

Here’s a small sampling:

“They’re always on your mind”

This is infatuation.

If someone’s “always” on your mind, you’re not focused on other Really Important Things. And that’s a problem.

Real love fits into real life, rather than usurping it. It’s calm, not overwhelming.

“You crave them” or “can’t get enough of them”

See above.

“They’re your ‘everything’”


“You see them in your future”

“When I imagined my future job/location/adopted dog, they were always in the background of my imagination helping me out with whatever I was doing. My future just didn’t really make sense without them around.”

Well, I mean, damn. You fantasize long and hard enough, you can see anything in your future — like I could imagine moving to Switzerland to be a goat farmer. That doesn’t mean I should.

The problem is that we’ve made “love” into a game of escapism, and measure potential partners by how they fit into that fantasy. That’s not love.

So, sure, see them in your future — but not because they “complete the picture.”

“They’re the person of your dreams”

See above.

“You always want them around”

Ha. Hahaha. Clearly you have never been in a (healthy) long-term relationship.

You should usually want to see bae. But love isn’t always wanting to. Sometimes you need a minute. Sometimes you need to work or do other things. Or, damn, just be.

Don’t think it’s not love just because sometimes you want space.

“You’ll do whatever it takes to impress them.”



Kris Gage

Writer — reach me at krisgagemedium (at) gmail (dot) com