“How would classify a love which feels greater than sum of the parts? A love where two people achieve (specifically ‘achieve’) more in life together than both of them individually?”
It depends on what you mean, specifically, by “achieve” and “greater,” but assuming we’re using the same measurements on these, I of course think this is positive — we should add to each other’s lives. Of course. If not, why have relationships at all? (Outside of the conventional, societal reasons — family, etc. I mean from a purely human experience standpoint, though of course there is some overlap there.)
“What kind of love falls into the bracket where the desire for someone else’s success/happiness/joy exceeds one’s own (assuming a situation where only one outcome can be chosen)”
This is the sort of thing we have to watch out for.
This is so often celebrated as “true love,” but it’s not. I mean, sure, we would risk our own life to save our child or partner from a rushing river — of course. That’s understandable. But to consciously and continuously make this sort of decision day in and day out is not healthy, at least over time.
This may be especially commended in parent:child relationships. Which, again, is understandable. But we lose touch on where that boundary is — when that “sacrifice care-taking” should stop, and which whom it’s healthy to extend that.
Too often we lift parent-child models of love and use them in other relationships (i.e., partners), translating this “care-taking” into “taking care of” our partner, sacrificing our own happiness in an empty bid for them or the universe to make us happy in return. But it doesn’t work that way. Which is why so many people who see “love” like this also experience a great deal of frustration, anxiety, resentment, etc. Commonly, they don’t feel “appreciated” for their efforts, and they think the solution is to double down on them (or “talk about them”), when in reality the solution is to ease up on that approach — to stop defining our sense of self by the degree to which we sacrifice for others in a bid for their love.
Long answer, but obvs I feel strongly about this topic. Hope that helps.
