Read This If You’re Not Sure You Want Kids

“I could go either way”

Kris Gage


People are increasingly unsure about kids, and the US and European fertility rate is at an all-time low. According to Pew Research Center study, 1 in 5 people will remain childless. That’s doubled since the 1970s.

You’re not alone — and uncertainty is higher among women than men

Women are not just delaying babies; they’re debating them altogether.

Leigh Weingus wrote,

“Having kids was once considered a necessity for every woman, but the last few years have shown shifting trends surrounding settling down.”

As Bryce Covert wrote: men want kids — and women aren’t so sure.

“In a nationally-representative survey of single, childless people in 2011, more men than women said they wanted kids… Another poll from 2013 echoed those findings, with more than 80 percent of men saying they’d always wanted to be a father or at least thought they would be someday. Just 70 percent of women felt the same.”

There’s a joke we have in software regarding the inherent standoff between developers and managers, represented by a chicken (managers) and a pig (developers):

There are a number of versions, but this one is Jake Calabrese

As a woman, that’s pretty much how “the kid conversation” feels.

When I broke up with an ex-partner, he made a last-ditch effort at staying together by saying: “but I wanna have kids with you!”

To be clear: the only time we’d talked “kids” was when we joked “probably not.” I was super busy (and super happy) at work, logging 12-hour days and weekends. I had zero interest in a baby. But when I said this, he countered,

“That’s okay — just have the kids and then I’ll raise them.”

I heard that and thought, “say what now??” Bud, I’m not a broodmare. I’m not going to be a surrogate to my own kids.

And like I said, we broke up.

And yet, bad argument or not, we’re all still left with the overarching question: should I…



Kris Gage

Writer — reach me at krisgagemedium (at) gmail (dot) com