Thanks for your thoughtful response.

I’m a bit surprised to see a “scholar” of “oppressive gender politics/socialization” using the terms “males” and “females,” but that aside, I understand your points. I’m just not sure we agree on where to draw lines.

I never suggested porn was a “necessity” or “right;” I think we all recognize that that’s silly. That aside, I regularly watch porn and my hetero male partner never does — am I gaslighting myself? Perpetuating rape culture myself? Or greedy, capitalistic, male privilege — for myself?

Furthermore: does all porn fall under this umbrella? If I watch a sex scene in a film, does that count too? Where does one draw the line on “human intimacy” and “greedy, capitalistic, male privilege” or “rape?”

Your response here is shared by many, and I think a lot of points are incredibly valid — I do think rape culture has been perpetuated; I do think a lot of porn and strip clubs can be unhealthy. But it also suggests you have a strained relationship with sex, and some of that is on each of us to explore for ourselves.

Nobody is suggesting anybody have sex if they don’t, but I am suggesting understanding sex as a real human need that can be shared in healthy ways, and that not wanting to do the “sex act” is different than not wanting to connect physically and intimately with your partner.

My piece was about compromise. Because relationships are about compromise.