Wow, these are good questions!

1.Do you ever feel the weight of who you are on Medium/social media in real life?

Nah, not at all — other than the normal balance of time between writing and the rest of my life, but that’s true for anyone doing it enough.

2. Has anyone ever approached you in real life about your writing (OMG are you Kris Gage?)

Lol, no. I guess I wouldn’t be surprised if/when it does happen, but in over 2.5 yrs, it hasn’t yet (and tbh I’d prefer to keep it that way. lol.)

3. Great sex or a great motorcycle ride?

Ooh, man — good question. I’m gonna try to wiggle out of this one with the loophole of “there’s a lot of bad sex, but even a ‘bad’ motorcycle ride is still good,” so I’d rather have “great sex & good ride” (than “great ride & bad sex.”)

4. What annoys you most about Medium?

Honestly, very little!

It’s a beautifully-designed platform with a strong group of product managers behind it, and I think they’re largely achieving what they set out to do.

Really forced to choose something, I’d say: navigating from “editing a story,” (esp. many edits or stories) back to Home on mobile can be a little unwieldy. But that’s small stuff.

5. What do you love most about writing?

Working through / massaging / firming up thoughts and getting them down on paper. It’s cathartic in the same way exercise, eating, or sex is cathartic. Our thoughts and feelings — and rolling them out, then bundling them up — is just as hugely human.

6. What do you dislike most about it (writing)?

Very little! Though I have the luxury of saying that because I don’t demand that my writing support me. And that was deliberate.

Writing for work can just as easy absorb all of the challenges of any other job — the dull, boring throb of commitments and timelines, producing what others want instead of what you want, burnout, etc. —it’s normal. But by keeping my day job, and keeping writing for what it does best for me (above), there’s very little I don’t enjoy about, by design.

Forced to choose something, I’d probably say: how easily it can become “masturbatory” to the point of being unhealthy. If you’re not careful, “writing” can suck you in and seduce you into believing a lot of things that aren’t necessarily correct — esp. that your thoughts or feelings are “right,” and all this “writing” is “good” because of course it affirms them (you’re the one writing!)

Writers have to be careful to balance what’s inside their heads with what’s in the outside, real world. I mean everything from “conversing with others on these topics and chewing on other viewpoints,” to “living life without constantly ‘reflecting’ (i.e., clinging to whatever thought/feeling in our heads we think is more important.)” Because sometimes life is just about being present and immersed in what’s going on, not ourselves.

7. How has Medium and writing in general affected you IRL?

I’ve been writing my entire life, so it’s tough to answer that second part. I guess, the satisfaction of self-expression. And the strength I’ve built in putting messages and arguments together, which has absolutely bled into other areas of life (talking, meetings, etc.)

The biggest impact from Medium is hearing an “echo” come back from what was, for about twenty years, just white noise of writing alone (which was fine!) After two decades of just writing for myself on wordpress and not caring at all that I had like 7 followers, it was kinda cool to finally have someone else catch the ball I was previously bouncing against a wall.

8. What’s your worst fear?

Superficially, “the dark.” I still rush to bed after hitting the lights. Also spiders, somewhat.

More deeply, “being controlled.” This may sound common or exaggerated, but my aversion includes things most seem okay with, such as: being “dependent on” others (in particular, I could never not earn my own income) and favors, gifts, etc. — even free samples, raffles, and awards make me uncomfortable — because there’s no such thing as a free lunch. I’ll ask for help when I need it, and I appreciate it when it’s offered, but dumping too much energy or emotion into being “supported” by others isn’t how I’m trying to live my life. Forced to choose, I’d rather be left alone entirely.

9. Best writing advice to those seeking it?

WRITE.

Write every day. Feel or think something, and put it down.

Focus more on yourself and less on others. Write until you untangle the mess of whatever you brought into writing, including bullshit inhibitions and stupid expectations.

Do this for YEARS. (I wrote for like 20 yrs before I got “followers” or ever made a dollar off writing.) Don’t throw a few rough attempts around for a few weeks and immediately wail at other writers about how it’s “not working.”

WRITE.

10. Thoughts on feminism as a woman?

Okay… Do I believe in equal rights? Yes. Of course. (Anyone who doesn’t is deranged or in denial.) Do I agree women can be badass? Duh.

But that being said, I think there’s a lot of detrimental bullshit in the “women” conversation.

• “Women-only” events/conversations are often more damaging than helpful, esp. when they focus too much on how we’re “victims” / “what holds us back” and not enough on the goals / actual work / what we want, outside of gender. We ARE what we give our attention to.
• The use of “woman” when we really mean “parent” is hugely negligent.
• I don’t think women’s success requires debilitating men. (I’ve been to “women’s events” where men weren’t allowed to speak on stage. That’s gross. I like my allies, and I don’t want anything to do with this kind of Harrison Bergeron scene.)
• I don’t want my success to be tied to my gender (e.g., “best woman [whatever.]”) I wanna play in the full field.
• The call for “empowerment” is as debilitating as any other “self help” rally cry (which, studies show, often don’t work.) As Jia Tolentino wrote in The New York Times: “‘Empowerment’ Became Something for Women to Buy”

“Today ‘empowerment’ invokes power while signifying the lack of it. It functions like an explorer staking a claim on new territory with a white flag… An emphasis on empowerment is often a sign of something to atone for.”

As Sloane Crosley tweeted,

“My feminism works like this: I would rather claw my eyes out than go to a party that’s raison d’etre is ‘women supporting other women’ but I would be stoked if all of the ER doctors dealing with my gouged-out sockets were women.”

Yeah, same. It’s like that.

Do I still support women? Fuck yes!

Do I believe in women? Abso-fucking-lutely! Do I agree a woman can work, or have kids, or do both? Go for it. Do I love to cheer on a woman’s success? Obvs.

But I, like anyone, also have conversations, discourses, mindsets, and certainly individuals — regardless of gender — that I prefer. And my preferences for all of these tend to focus on: optimism, growth, the future, action, achievement, and getting shit done. Not the opposite.

And I know that upsets some women, who argue the opposite does need to be discussed, but a.) the best I can point to is my own experience: I’ve achieved more, and seen other women achieve more, by circumventing and taking action rather than “talking,” “meeting,” “demanding” etc… and b.) last I heard, believing that each person’s “own experience and viewpoints are valid” is a core part of this entire dialogue. Just as I agree everybody, regardless of gender, gets their own agency to think and do, I like mine too.

If we need to talk about the thing, fine. But we also have to move forward.